It seems one of the things we dread most as business owners or managers, is facing staff over difficult issues, in fact we would rather avoid them than face them. We may feel that by putting them off they will go away but rarely is this the case and if anything, the problem gets worse. Research conducted by the Chartered Management Institute (UK) found that 57% of Managers would do almost anything to avoid having a difficult conversation and 52% prefer to put up with a negative situation rather than deal with it. Difficult conversations are a natural part of business communication and an essential skill for leaders, so why do we avoid them and what can be done about it?

6 Steps to Better Outcomes

Why do we avoid difficult conversations?

A bad experience in the past such as a boss getting angry or a staff member getting upset, may have made you wary of giving feedback to your people. Or is it that you simply just don’t like the prospect of conflict? Memories of bad experiences and fear of facing the difficult issues may be preventing you from constructive conversations with your team and could be damaging the culture of your business or undermining relationships with your staff. By putting off difficult conversations you are avoiding an important growth area for all leaders. People who are skilled at handling difficult conversations are highly valued and respected in any organisation.

What can be done to achieve better outcomes?

1. Address the problem as soon as possible. Tackling the issue when it is relevant and timely will ensure that it doesn’t escalate and you are dealing with it when it is fresh in your mind and the other person’s.

2. View the opportunity positively. If you have a negative approach to the conversation it will influence the way you come across and will only make you and the other person more anxious. Adopt a positive attitude and remind yourself that by dealing with this issue now you will be much closer to achieving a resolution for you both and by being proactive you are taking control.

3. Be clear about your intentions. It is very important that you are clear about what you want to discuss and be straight to the point, keeping your desired outcome in mind. Skirting around the issue or waffling will only confuse and frustrate the dialogue. Prepare before hand the main points you want to discuss, not as a script but as a prompt to ensure everything you want to say is covered and to keep the conversation on track. For example open the dialogue with “The reason we are meeting today is that I want to discuss with you the matter of……”.

4. Be a good listener. When addressing difficult issues you need to be conscious of what the other person is thinking and how they are likely to respond. When faced with potential criticism people may become defensive or switch off. To avoid this you need to listen twice as much as you speak. Look for signs of body language that indicate how the other person may be reacting to what you are saying and pause regularly to get their feedback.

5. Acknowledge feelings. It is all too common to race through a list of items to get them off your chest and not be aware of the impact this may be having on the other person. The rational part of your mind is saying “Let’s just get this over with” but the emotional response from the other person may be saying “Wait a minute, I’m upset about this”. You need to pause and acknowledge how this may be affecting them and let them know that you are aware of their feelings too.

6. Conclude with a clear and positive plan. Once the discussion is over the temptation will be to finish up and get on with things, but not before you have agreed what comes next. You need to sum up where you have got to and agree on a list of actions and when they will be reviewed. Focus on what you want them to do, not what you don’t want, to keep the outcome positive.

Handling difficult conversations is a skill that can be learned and with practice, developed and mastered. It is a normal part of a leader’s role and fosters respect and support for those who do it well. Putting off a difficult conversation rarely makes things better but making time and following the 6 steps above will lead to better outcomes and healthier businesses.

Warren Howard is Director of Howardco Business + HR Solutions, Executive Coach, Recruitment & HR Consultant and Employee Engagement specialist. Contact Warren to achieve better results with your people, on 0417 594 760 or via email at warren@howardco.com.au